So Gorgeous!

Hola! I am in Pittsburgh for 2 weeks and last night, we celebrated Douglas's birthday with Greek food and VOLVER! I really enjoyed it although I felt the pace was a bit slow towards the end. Before I start talking about plot and theme and such. Can I just say Penelope Cruz was gorgeous-- what a bod! She looked fantastic as a frazzled, hard working wife and mother with her hair always bed-headedly disheveled, sleeping in her kohl-ringed eyes (bedroom eyes) with the big gold hoop earrings. She wears these strange patterned outfits that don't quite go together but somehow totally work. She made me think of Italian movie stars in the 60s like Sophia Loren with the pencil skirts and the cleavage skimming little sweaters. Muy Caliente! I loved the whole look! Incredibly sexy!

Anyways, on a more serious, intellectual note.

The story line is really about relationships between mothers and daughters, and secrets..... as kept by Penelope Cruz and her Mother. The film feels like it can't quite decide between being heavy and sad or light yet suspenseful or some combination thereof. Some scenes were poignant in portraying women taking care of each other through illness, old age and adventure. I really thought all the actresses were great but I couldn't take my eyes off Penelope- she was luminous and in her native Spanish, so much more comfortable on screen than in American films she's been in. The end credits consisted of floral and linear patterns (like what you see in the poster above) animated and moving geometrically across the screen. I really liked the patterns- but it didn't seem to fit with the end of the film somehow-- it made me think of Marimekko patterns- and I'm not really sure how that fits in with the film?


The other film I saw, with another gorgeous woman in the opposite extreme, was The Curse of the Golden Flower starring Gong Li and Chow Yun Fat. Now, this movie was AMAZING for its opulence alone-- the costumes, the sets, the jewelery. It was a feast for the eyes!
Again, Gong Li is just so beautiful and in this film she is decked out in crazy jewels, head pieces, costumes, nail guards, shoes, and makeup-- gold and copper eye shadow and tangerine lipstick with gold. Supposedly, the film is set during the Tang Dynasty, a time that can be comparable to the the decadence of Versaille and French Aristocracy. Everything was over the top. All the women wear bust binding, cleavage revealing gowns. The entire palace courtyard is filled with pots of the cursed golden flower-- the Chrysanthemum.
Other films by this same director include Hero, and House of the Flying Daggers. I loved Hero for its color palette and beautiful cinematography. House of the Flying Daggers was a martial arts amazement. I don't think this film is exemplary of either of those things. Although there are several story lines bound together here-- the most memorable part of the film is the visual.
Again, I question the choice of end song which played during the credits. This music sounded contemporary and totally transported me out of the film setting and into the present...a bummer at the end of the movie.

Ok that's it for now!

Smitty

strengths and weaknesses

I know I didn't finish that last post. I got bored with my own list of what I did on my New Year's get away. who cares after a while?
Today I am thinking about why I feel the necessity to make things ok with people close to me in times of disagreement. It is so hard for me to just let things rest and take a break when there's a discomfort in the air. I feel like I am resonsible for being the peacekeeper and especially absolving someone in a disagreement. I guess this could be seen as a strength in some situations and a weakness in others. Old habits die hard no matter how much you try and change. I am forcing myself to just sit with it and remember that~ it is lighter than you think.~ Something, I think I read on a list written by John Cage, that makes me feel better when I get bogged down by life's uncertainties and unfairness. If there's one thing I can't stand-- and one thing that keeps knocking me sqare in the face-- it's the idea of accepting reality, plain and simple, and moving forward even when it hurts like hell, even when it's so unfair. Another of my favorites, when your heart and mind don't match in their messages to you. Today, I am thinking about those qualities and characteristics that are my own strengths and weaknesses. How they serve and hinder me and how to deal with the clarity of seeing them in others. If it is true that the world is shaped by your inner outlook and attitude (which I believe in) and we all manifest our own destinies. How do turn self-sabotage around, or inside out, or make it work for you instead of against you? It is so hard for people to accept the reality/truth that is in their heart of hearts. It's taken me a LONG time to learn how to first, cut through my own bullshit and then, to see what my inner most feeling is, and finally to accept it for what it is....
Man, that is a hard lesson to learn.

Self-Transformation

Hi!!
Isn't it nice to start a new year?! I used to dislike the New Year's celebrations because I saw it as a loss of the old-- instead of focusing on the clean slate of the new. This year for New Year's eve- Douglas and I watched Audra McDonald sing on PBS and drank a bottle of Champagne, in Pittsburgh, after a long weekend of fun in NYC and a wedding in New Jersey.
Anyway, for the new year I decided I would like to reinvent myself-- a la Madonna. I bought 2 new lipsticks and Douglas surprised me with a fantastic pair of new spectacles-- which I really don't need- but they are a very fun accessory. I feel very intellectual and chic in them. THe lipsticks are in colors I am not used to wearing-- one is a tangerine color with gold flecks while the other is a bright Bold pink. I still can't decide if I like it or it's a little too Barbie doll gone bad- but it's fun and exciting to try something new for a change. Let me tell you about the wedding of my cousin Sandy and her new husband, Pierre. They are both foodies! He is a chef and she is a pastry/chocolate chef. The ceremony was held at a restaurant in NJ and the food was something! Here's the menu:
A delicate Lobster Soup, Duck Confit-that is shredded duck on top of some type of chip laying in a squash sauce, Braised Ribs with sweet potato puree and string beans, and for dessert, a luscious Lemon tart that I could only eat half of due to its tarty sweetness- and then yummy chocholatey truffles with booze and assorted cookies . It was a fun evening and Congratulations to the happy couple. Douglas and I stayed in a hotel that night and early the next morning- we took a bus into Manhattan. We checked in at the Ramada East and went straight to the MoMA. There is just too much to see at MoMA, the art, the people, the building, its very easy to get saturated/ information overload- so of course, our first stop was the cafe where we shared a portobella panini. Then we started from the 6th floor and worked our way down. There were a few things that really stood out in my mind and one thing in particular I can't stop thinking about. A Cezanne still-life. The web image doesn't compare-- this painting was so gorgeous and luscious in the use of reds, oranges. I wanted to pluck the apple from the table and bite into it because it would have been just the right combination of crunchy and sweet. WOW-- it is a magnificent painting!
Other highlights include a video installation by Jane and Louise Wilson-- two adjacent screens in opposing corners of a darkened room. The films show objects and a woman levitating and/or moving very strangley through a space. This scene alternates with the view from the floor of a lift elevator where you can see out beyond the guard gate into the hall as you move up and down. It was very eerie and atmospheric.



Last but not least New Photography by Barbara Probst. This was very clever work! Probst uses multiple cameras set up from different angles and focused on the same subject. The cameras are synched to take a picture simultaneously. In one image a girl is seen jumping in a Swiss Alps setting. In the next image, we are looking down on a NY rooftop with a view of the city. At closer inspection, we see that two people are holding a large print of the swiss alps- and the girl is jumping in front of it.

Later that night, we ate a scrumptious meal at the Orchard-- recommended by Honey! and it was delish! We ate the Yellowfin Tuna Tartare, Sliced Lamb Tenderloin, and the best--Butternut Squash Agnolotti. WOW- it was good! It just melted in your mouth, and in combination with the lamb, Magnifique!

Saturday, Douglas and I first went to visit his Aunt and Uncle who live in this gorgeous penthouse apartment across the street from the planetarium. Douglas's beautiful Aunt works at the Guggenheim and has a spectacular art collection- when I first walked in the door- there was a large James Casebere photograph in the hallway! I was knocked on my socks! It wasn't this image below- but here's an example. Anyway, this apartment was beautiful with plenty of art to boot. We also went to visit with my Aunt and Uncle for a nice 2:30 tea break!
We had 8 o'clock tickets to see the Drowsy Chaperone
and it was super!
(more later!)

Reviews on fire

A few nights ago, I went to see Casa de Areia, The House of Sand. A Brazilian movie starring the real life mother and daughter, Fernanda Montenegro and Fernanda Torres as Mother and Daughter in the film. Incidentally, the movie is directed by Fernanda Torres's husband, with the leads written especially for these two women. You might recognize Fernanda Montenegro as the actress nominated for an Oscar for Central Station in 1998 and who lost out to Gwyneth Paltrow, who won for Shakespeare in Love.
This movie was really amazing in a lot of different ways. The pace, unlike American movies, is slow and takes its time to allow the story to unfold. When the characters speak to eachother-- it is in clipped, boiled down questions and answers. There is not a lot of dialogue but much expression between the actresses as well as between the people and the land. The film was shot in the middle of the desert- but a desert as strange, changeable and moody as its new inhabitants. There are some breathtaking visuals in the film having to do with the changing landscape. I thought it was really great because the filmmakers assumed that the audience is fairly sophisticated and would understand a crucial jump in time based on the actresses. (I will say no more as I don't want to be a plot spoiler). The film's thematic threads are circular in nature, Mothers taking care of their daughters who then become mothers and begin again. I could go on about other themes-- but it would ruin the movie. I would recommend it though- if you are in the mood for a slow paced that requires some mental energy. I've been starting to see previews for Almodovar's new film, Volver, with a very sultry looking Penelope Cruz-- can't wait for that! I guess I'm on a Spanish film kick.
In the book dept., I'm currently reading 13 Moons by Charles Frazier. So far I really like it, it requires a lot of attention and focus. I am a slow reader and sometimes get lost in my own thoughts so that I have to reread a page a few times. Frazier writes with a very lovely- aromatic sense of description. I love the first paragraph of Chapter 8-- which is where I am currently:
That next summer in Valley River, I was not much of a business man. Nor did I crack a lawbook. Mostly I concerned myself with the weight of Claire's breast in my hand, the echo of a new poem,........., the mute colors of long sunsets,........

Ahhh, to be young and in love!

Otherwise, I just finished baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies.
Here is a preliminary photo of the studio. There is another window on that wall with the window you see and a storage nook behind where I was photographing. I don't like that light-- but you can't have everything!

Well, that's about all from Western NY for the moment. Happy Turkey Day!!!

AHHHHHH, now I can breathe a sigh of relief! Ever since the big snowstorm we haven't had internet service at our house which means I have to drive all over town trying to get online at all the places that offer it for free! Today, it's fixed! and I can post something new. I am majorly antsy because I feel like everything is on hold.....I haven't been able to move into the new studio space because the electricity isn't hooked up yet, my freelance gigs don't kick in till next week, my art materials are all packed up....so what is there to do? This past weekend I visited D and we had lots of fun in Pittsburgh! There was a praying mantis clinging to the outside of his house for 2 days. Aren't praying mantis's good luck?
We also went to see Borat. I'm embarrassed to admit I laughed my head off- especially at the unfortunate incident in the hotel where Borat catches his trusty companion doing a naughty deed, I don't want to ruin any surprises so I will say no more. This is definitely NOT a movie I would send my Mother to go see. It's thick with potty humor, raunchiness, and offensive to every religion and race. But, you've gotta hand it to Sasha Baron Cohen for going all the way and over the top. The best part was when Douglas turned to me in the movie theatre and thought all the people Borat comes into contact with in the movie are in on the joke-- which they are not! That made me laugh tremendously-- ah ahahah ahaha ......

Also, I'm embarrassed to admit I watched a small portion of America's Next Top Model. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure as I'm waiting for Lost.

I was struck by a Tyra-ism. She was telling the girl who was getting the boot that she didn't have enough confidence in herself, that the judges were stunned by her beauty and believed in her, but she didn't believe in herself and that it was apparent to them in the way she flaked out or felt silly in the challenges. She explained to this young, inexperienced girl that even if she didn't feel confident she had to act as though she did. Her exact words: "You've gotta fake it to make it." I really liked that and wrote it down for myself. Ah, words of wisdom from Tyra Banks (or the writers). (Don't you like the juxtaposition of the picture of beautiful Tyra Banks and hairy, gross thong wearing Borat! Clever! Anyways, I came home on Wednesday and have been checking in on the studio, going to the gym and playing with Smitty. For those of you who've forgotten about Smitty- he is our neighbor's Border Collie. He is such a sweet, smart dog but grossly neglected . So, sometimes we take him for walks or bring him to the house and play with him. 2 nights ago, I was giving Smitty a good petting- laying on the floor next to him when he laid down too and picked up his paw so I could scratch his belly. Dogs do not question their dog-ness. As I always like to say. Today, I started perusing some recipes for Thanksgiving. I would love to incorporate pomegranates into the mix.... Delicious!

the times are a changin'

First, look how cute this graphic is. Second, I didn't see the finale but for a little while was obsessed with watching the marathon afternoons of this. And lastly, by chance I saw the 2 brilliant episodes of Casanova on PBS's Masterpiece Theatre and am craving more. Honey writes a beautiful description of the program to which I will add this: It is overthetop, forward thinking, musical theatre on tv, brilliantly and opulently designed...wonderfully acted by David Tennant as the youthful Casanova and told in remembrances by the older Casanova by Peter O'toole. Tennant has such spritely charm and charisma- you want him to fall in love with you. The story is told with imagination, extraordinary design, storytelling and acting. Don't miss out!
Otherwise, I spent part of my day today observing some highschool kids at the next table over in the coffehouse where I was working on my website. The kids were pulling out their phones, blackberries and talking about talking online last night. I thought wow, times have changed so much since I was in High School. I don't think of myself as old at all-- I feel very youthful and try to nurture my inner little kid if not for creative purposes then just to remind myself of who I was when things were simpler. As I watched these kids with their technology I felt like the world has changed so much in my lifetime and how it will continue to change. I used to be so fearful of change, I was afraid of the unkown, but I learned how to really embrace it and look forward to it because I spent so much time feeling stagnant and depressed in all areas of my life, that everyone was moving forward without me. If you think about it everything in the world is changing every second of every day...the cars keep moving, the people keep walking on the street, I keep typing a new word. We need change to keep growing and learning.

happy thoughts

It's been a long hard week, or two. This is the pile of leaves and tree limbs in front of my house from the freak Friday the 13th snow storm. It just got picked up the other day. I went around and took a few pictures of my neighborhood. There are still a lot of fleets of tree trucks driving around picking up the mess. Although the sun is out and its beautiful-- it's really sad to see all the tree destruction and it's going to take a long time for them to grow back to their full green leafy majesty. We were lucky because we didn't lose electricity but a lot of friends did.

Otherwise, I have been spending my days at Cafe Aroma on the internet or working at odd jobs while I wait to move into my brand new studio space. oh yeah, did I mention I rented some brand new studio space!! on Exchange St. in Buffalo!! I will be happy to the point of doing the dance of joy when I can have a private studio with my own door. Then, I can make the little nook at home where I was working, into a reading nook and I won't feel so claustrophobic.
Otherwise, I am not feeling at the peek of happiness these days. But I'm working on getting my spirits up.

Yay for Ernesto!

OK, Ani Defranco is in the cafe where I am and she's pregnant. I think I knew this but it's kind of interesting to see. This is my second brush with stardom in the last week, weird (Andrea Zittel was the first). So- I spent the day today giving my website a makeover. It's not done yet. I still have to add images to some of the pages and freshen it up a bit. I decided to take some of the pages away, like the about and calendar pages, because I don't think anyone really cares. I also made a very difficult decision to axe my stats counter. It was driving me crazy. Maybe in the future I'll add it again, but I didn't know how to transfer it over and I don't want to keep obsessively looking at it to see who's looking.
Speaking of looking, I am looking for new studio space! I called a couple of places today but nothing concrete yet. The studio space has to be cheap, with lots of light, clean, well cared for, and have a good vibe. I have to be able to fit my drafting table and a large table in it at least. .....
I had a crazy dream the other night where I was living in this very small space where all my belongings were crammed into a corner and all of a sudden I discovered all these extra rooms and hidden nooks. I turned a corner and there was a Chinese cabinet with all sorts of drawers, shelves, cubes, and again, hidden nooks and crannies. I think it has something to do with hidden parts of the psyche-- especially artistically, I have to inhabit more space. I also think it has to do with my constant qualm about my work of late- which is that I'm searching for a subject matter.
I am excited to see what happens on Lost tonight- it's a perfect dark and stormy day to watch a program like Lost. There is something in me that doesn't allow me to believe that Jack's wife would sleep with his father. I think Jack's paranoia pushed him to believe it but I don't think it really happened.
Anyhoo- I'm so excited that my good buddy Ernesto has found me-- and I hope you email me with your life story up to the present moment including where you live now and what you're up to.....as soon as humanly possible!!
cheers

A Parting Gift

Last night, I went to a lecture at the Albright Knox Gallery by artist, Andrea Zittel. Then, this morning, I saw her in Starbucks and I told her how much I enjoyed her talk. I think she is really shy, and I'm sort of shy- so the conversation was a bit short. I asked if she would be around for a few days and she was leaving in 15 minutes. I think she is very smart and interesting and I would have liked to have picked her brain a bit and asked her more about her career. Maybe next time. The Gallery was MOBBED! It was a free friday and the opening of Andrea's exhibit, Critical Space, which I didn't have to time to see yet. She said something interesting about the back story/ stories surrounding her work being more interesting than the work itself-- because she is so engaged in the process of making the thing-- the audience doesn't have the same experience of the piece. She is constantly struggling with this disconnect. I thought that was a great point.



My Mom and I had a very intense discussion about Grey's Anatomy. I said that I know I should want Meredith to be with Finn, the vet, because he's the better guy all around and Dr. Shepard has just been a total asshole-- however, Meredith and McDreamy have such chemistry-- and the program has invested a lot more time into McDreamy + Meredith while Finn seems really new. I know Honey will not agree with me on this because she probably thinks Dr. Shepard is just a total jackass. oh well.



One more bit about tv-- I am so happy that Campbell Scott is on tv, while I was sick I watched Singles two days in a row. Then, Campbell Scott pops up on this new show, 6 degrees....which is produced by JJ Abrams, same guy that brought us Alias and Felicity. LOVE Campbell Scott!! I have no idea why I like him in this program, because to be honest, the one episode I saw-- really didn't wow me, but Campbell Scott-- his mouth reminds me of a snapping turtle. Cambell Scott is sexy with a snapping turtle mouth!
ha ha ha hah ahahaaaaaaa.
Ok, enough of all that!
I can't wait to get my haircut next week Friday! It is getting too long (for me) and poofy.
At 2pm today I will get in the car and drive towards the land of Pittsburgh to visit the one and only Douglas Levine. Very excited about that. I think we're going to a play tonight.

In Conclusion, I believe the mystery person from the past was the lucky recipient of one leggo phone many moons ago in a distant land called 'da cuse.' If I'm right, I would like to say I'm very excited to hear from you and would yell WHERE the heck have you been ???? because I tried to track you down many times without success. If I'm wrong-- then please leave another clue!

Adios.......

Stasis

Hiya-- I've added some thoughts and pictures in this weird purple color!
Hello Friends,
It was with mixed emotions and heavy heart that I drove home on Friday from Vermont. My trip back to Buffalo was one of the worst EVER -- actually, the first 2 hours or so were fun, beautiful because I got to see the fall leaves and I was ambling through the green mountains on a rainy day and the mist was hanging over the trees.
I stopped in Montpelier-- which is the cutest town, to go to Rivendell Books where I bought some postcards and a copy of The Mermaid Chair, (which subsequently, has been a disappointment, but a good read for someone who is sick! and stopping for photo opps along my ambling way. Here is a waterfall I happened to pass by on the road.....



It was the first peak fall color weekend and the leaves were really beautiful shades of gold, red and orange. However, the day just went downhill after mapquest told me to go right when I should have gone left and it took about 45 minutes to realize it....... so 45 minutes out and back plus a strong latte from a really adorable coffee shop called Jesine in Montpelier, meaning, I had to stop for the bathroom twice, let's just say I was a long way off course. I did get to also see this very cute hidden town called Warren (where I stopped to use the ladies room at the Pitcher Inn). Anyhoo- by the time I was on track I should have been half way home and I had only driven about 2 of my supposedly 8 hours. 13 hours later, I finally arrived home! Plus I stopped in two places in NY to see if I could stay the night in a hotel because I was exhausted-- just my luck though, all rooms were booked because of a dog show (of all things) and parents weekend at a local college. GRRRRR. I was not a happy camper!




Part of me thought it was an omen, that I should've stayed. The thing that stopped me from staying was the realization that the monthly turn over of people would be really difficult to get used to. You grow fond of people that are leaving in a few short weeks and spreading out over the globe. That would make me sad. Plus, Johnson is so removed from the world at large, I went for weeks without hearing any news. I don't know if I could handle that in the long run.

I didn't have as much motivation to write I as actually thought I would in the last two weeks at VSC. I tried, but every time I sat down to write, the words felt forced. I had such a great time, met so many wonderful, talented people and lived a very simple, (in a good way) focused life. I felt like I had a purpose every day and there weren't a lot of distractions to take me away from that purpose. The beauty of it was that there were all these like-minded people talking about art and day jobs and how much they can suck (the day jobs, I mean) and a whole host of other issues! If I got bored or nervous I could walk down the street and find a friend in a different studio, like the wonderful Patti, who lives in S. Dakota, who I visited on numerous occasions. These walks were a dose of inspiration and friendship that created a community. Now the question is how to recreate that community?
In the last two weeks I had an all girl posse to trek around with--named after the Bad Girls Cafe, which was right next door to my studio building-- the Bad Girls reeked havoc in Johnson and then blew outta town. Clarisse, Louise, Rebecca and I had a raucus evening at the Bee's Knees, an organic restaurant with live music and drinks- where we closed the place. I'm not at liberty to discuss all of our Bad Girl antics-- but just know that they were bad!
The day before we left, the Bad Girls Cafe changed their name to the Groovin' Beans Cafe-- a horrible - unbefitting moniker for a really cute place. The Bad Girls will live on even if its namesake is gone.

Otherwise, I got to see the Bread and Puppet Museum perform at Johnson State College-- some pictures of that:




I also put some of my new book work in a show at the gallery at VSC with some very talented fellow artists!

I had two studio visits with visiting artists. One was exceedingly unhelpful and downright dismissive. The other was kooky but helpful--

Meanwhile, I'm home sick with a cold, although finally starting to feel better today- and haven't gotten out of my pajamas in two days. I would write more now but just haven't got the stamina. So now the question of how to put some Vermont in Buffalo is nagging at me. Luckily, I received an email from the talented and lovely Ellis Avery, famous author whose new book is out in December.... saying the first two weeks back from Johnson would be difficult but it will soon get better. Thanks Ellis!

As for my mysterious person from the past who left a comment here-- please email me braunlauren@gmail.com!! I think it could be one of two people......??? I can't stand the suspense!

Bye for now!

L'Shana Tova!

Making books is fun! I'm experiment with ways to make pages, binding, and imagery. Last night was open studios and then a visiting painter lecture. It's so cool to see how everyone is using their space and filling it. I had an amazing conversation with a woman named Bev last night at dinner. She made some very astute observations about me and honed in on our shared Judaism immediately when she asked me if my Mother wants me to marry someone Jewish..... It turns out Bev is a clinical psychologist and in the mix with our great conversation I did feel like she was psycho-analyzing me just a little in her head. The funny thing is that from a far she seems a little flaky and dreamy, she is a beautiful woman-- with silver curly hair to her chin. She always wears these cute red clog-like shoes with striped socks a some kind of hat that makes her look like a flapper. She's probably in her 60's?? Anyways, she just has a sparkle!

I am in a total news and world void-- even though Im at an advantage to those without a car here- I just have no idea what's happening in the world. My days are structured around mealtimes! I get up at 7:30, shower and go for breakfast. Then, I go to my studio around nine. At noon, I break for lunch-- three days a week I work in the development office from 1-4. Yoga is usually 4:30 to 6. Dinner is at 6. Then, there has been an activity like open studios, slide night, readings, lectures from 8-9. Then more studio time or sometimes the sculptors make a bonfire. And bed-- then repeat!

Eureka!

Ahhh-- so much news and it seems so little time before I will become sleepy and have to trek through the rain to the house where I sleep.
My time here has been wonderful-- I think I had a eureka moment in the studio yesterday! One of my fellow artists in residence came by and I was showing her some things- and explaining how I have been feeling antsy in the studio-- that I can't stay focused and at some points I feel like I need to leave. She took one look at this little sketchbook I make collages in, usually first thing when I arrive to get me into the space, and said- you should try making books, and then.... i bet you're a book-maker. And it just made so much sense- and it was like something clicked-- I tried making books in grad school but it seemed like I got such negative and mixed feedback that I didn't pursue it. But that is such the way that I work-- cutting, pasting, assembling, designing.

Today, while I was working, I was in the zone. I had that tingly feeling I haven't had in so long that means things are clicking. I was engaged and immersed in what I was doing. And most importantly I was having fun!
In many respects, I have learned more in a week and a half here than I did in 3 years at grad school.
The beauty of being here is that you can see how other people start their processes, and fill a white room. Intuition and play are huge first steps in getting started- following that little nudge that says paint a bright pink square in the corner or rip a picture here or there. I am seeing that with so much more clarity than before-- both in other people and in accepting it in myself. It's not like being in an academic setting where every decision you make has to be explained, intellectualized, conceptualized and critiqued. Art-making is a mysterious, spontaneous, fun process-- I was searching for the work and I think I finally found it.
I was thinking about why I came here and the reasons keep changing and growing. At first, I thought it would be to make a new body of work. Since I've been here though, I've learned more about my own process- what works and where I am stuck- I've gained an appreciation for 'accepting my own style'- not forcing what doesn't come easily ( like painting), starting multiple works so that if I get stuck or bored on one,I can move to something else. Most importantly though, I wanted to figure out how to have a positive, lose all track of time experience while in the studio. Work by the motto, make it and move on!
The other artists and writers are such lovely people, open and honest- non- competitive, willing to share and talk about the balances of life and art- the trials and tribulations of starting something new or getting stuck on something old.

the rhythms of daily life

I'm learning lots about the way I work, my rythms and habits.
I like to make a mess. Sometimes, I have a short attention span and like to dabble at several things simultaneously. I like to work in the morning and at 11 I get antsy and have to go for a hot drink at the cutie pie coffee shop next door and read or write to clear my head then return to do a little more dabbling.
I'm learning that it's ok to sit in the studio and read or knit or just stare into space without doing anything in particular. These are all things I never really acknowledged before.
It's ok to not have a grand idea to really sink my teeth into...there is freedom in exploring, experimenting, and having a sense of playfulness. I have felt a definite letting go since I've arrived here---
like a breath of fresh air blowing through all the dusty corners and cleaning everything out.

Look Up Lift Up

Hello Friends. Here is a test pic for the bird beak pictures. I have taken a few pictures but still need to edit them. I think I might have had a mini breakthrough in my studio today. But first, let me tell you about the title of this post. I have a studio in the Church Building-- a converted church (one would assume) there are two stained glass windows in the front. One has a picture of an anchor and the other has these words, look up.lift up. going around a circle with a red plus sign. It's one of the first things I saw when I walked in and up the stairs. I've been repeating the phrase like a mantra. I take it to mean, look towards the sky or God or Heaven and feel brighter or uplifted or It's lighter than you think. I just really like the ideas it brings to mind and the first thing I did after I unpacked all my supplies was to cut up some brightly colored origami paper and make those words.

Anyhoo- breakthrough in the studio-- I didn't really have that much time to work today because I slept through my alarm (a whole other story) BUT I was doing some work and a fellow artist came in and asked to borrow a sharpie and complimented what I was doing-- I felt great about that and then I just had this major release- as though I could really play and have fun and throw caution to the wind and work instinctively. The work I made today was really loose and wild compared to yesterday's tight nervous work. It was very exciting- I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Everyone has meals together in a dining room and the conversations are really fascinating-- the general meet and greet is always what's your name?, where are you from? have you been here before? but sometimes, you get into a deeper conversation about process or materials. I listened to a writer talk about index
Meanwhile, I bought myself a present today-- there is a yarn shop in town and I bought a beautiful skein or yarn that has reds and greys. I plan on making a scarf.

So- I overslept and missed breakfast. I went for a bike ride and rode past a covered bridge over a river and some old New England-y run-down Victorian homes.

arrival

Hello Friends. I am here in Johnson, VT. The drive was quite lovely-- america's farmland. I saw sheep, hawks, a fawn (Bambi), a pumpkin patch, the mist rising off the mountains, a moose crossing sign! It looks like the color is just creeping in to the green leaves- there is just a tinge of yellow- and some trees have red. By the time it's time to go home- the trees will be a sea of color.
Upon arriving here I had a quick look at my room and studio space and then off to a reception and dinner. The food is very healthy and delicious-- salad bar, and salmon, lots of veggies. I met a few people but not a lot- I felt very shy and awkward as I'm sure a lot of others did.
going to go rest now--- more soon!

tomorrow, tomorrow

The time is approaching people...an adventure is about to begin. I will set out early in the morning and make my way to the East. My belongings are boxed up and stacked appropriately - hopefully, I have just the right amount of, for lack of a better word, stuff. Not too much, not too little. A lunch is packed and sits waiting in the fridge. The vehicle is in traveling condition. The morning awaits!
The next time I write something here I will be in the green mountains, under the 10 jazillion stars of the night sky and steeped in the artmaking process.
Wish me luck!

Solid Gold

Happy September 1st!
I am puttering around surfing the internet when I should be packing up my belongings. I had a superb day today filled with riding my bike all over town. Having coffee at cafe aroma, my morning ritual, where the hot firemen stopped to get coffee and were flirting with all the girls. I went to the downtown library. I picked out two books on tape, and three books, Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Plant Dreaming Deep by May Sarton, and Mrs. Dalloway - Virginia Woolf. At one point this afternoon, the chain fell off my bike and I didn't know how to fix it-- I thought, maybe I should call Douglas or Jim, or go ask my neighbor across the street for help. But then, I thought I can do this-- and I figured out how to do it and felt like a super rockstar! Then I came home and made some chicken and threw all these different ingredients together!
If you want to see a feat of beautiful baking please hop over to Honey's blog and look at the gorgeous tarts she made for her best friend's baby shower.
OK-- I have to go get to it!
ps. i forgot to mention that the pictures are of my shovel for the Artspace groundbreaking!
pps.tonight, I went to the gusto at the gallery to catch the Petah Coyne exhibit before it ends. It wasn't really that compelling for me although there were a few moments when I discovered something up close that I wouldn't have seen had I not inspected closer-- like the angelic white face of what looks like the virgin Mary, hidden away beneath a veil of black silk flowers and feathers-- facing the corner closest to where the sculpture stood- so you had to walk around to see it. Or the giant woven hair sculpture with trapped taxidermied ducks.
Anyhoo, my FAVORITE moments of the night-- seeing the tiny paper and card board mock-up of the Jim Hodges sculpture that was trucked here and actually weighs about 9 tons and then walking oustide and seeing it in the courtyard-- and looking over it to see the light installation by Leo Villareal-- that is by far my most favorite thing at the gallery. They are white lights on a grid that are programmed to light up randomly and in patterns on one glass wall of the auditorium which looks black because of the treatment of the glass. This installation is so beautiful- I could watch it for hours. The other really cool, newly installed piece is the Rachel Whiteread sculpture of the fire escape. It's massive and commands your attention and inspection.
Now Im tired-- I know I left some details out of my descriptions, but I have to go do some more packing, more later!