18 September 2007

my life has given me an opening

I haven't felt much like writing lately. Maybe I will get in the mood soon. I'm just going to ramble right now to get back in the habit of writing. I just spent the weekend at home, in Buffalo, with some people who are dear to me. It was a really nice, mellow time. Now I'm back in Pittsburgh, with another someone who is dear to me. I brought back the things that I was missing but left the rest for another time. Choosing what to bring along and what to leave behind really begs the question, how much stuff does one need?
When I am in my old home, the ceilings are high, the sunlight is strong, the garden is flourishing, the fridge is full, the washer and dryer are brand new, things are always being updated and renewed in the house. When I am in my new home, I have all sorts of plans and ideas and desires to decorate, and paint, and fix up, and bring up to date. I have a vision of the garden. But all these things have to wait for the time being, till there's more time, and more money and more know how. and this waiting can get frustrating because our culture is all about now now now.
My mind plays out a constant battle about making more money and having a career versus taking a leap- and not working a full time job in order to give myself time in the studio. It's not an easy tradeoff. But how will I know unless I really try, I mean really try?