10 August 2006

First, let me say that I had an entirely orange lunch today! A little piece of salmon, a sweet potato and some carrots- I wonder if you eat that way every day if you would turn orange? Next, let me say that this has been a banner week for art making-- yesterday for the first time in I can't remember how long I sat outside in the garden and sketched flowers, I worked on some new wave drawings (inspired by my loopy sedated state in le hospital) and I have lots of ideas for experiments and new work underway. It's strange how a medical crisis can clear a space for something creative to happen-- I will not question it! I will just ride it out and enjoy it. Too many times in my life, I have had this feeling like I'm spinning my wheels artistically but not moving anywhere....So I am really thankful that good things came out of the scary things. As for my ongoing recovery- I feel pretty good today- my left ear feels stuffy and I think that is making my equilibrium a little off, also I had no sense of how much distance was available to me while parking my car today and had to try 2 different spots before pulling into a third and then realized I left too much space. It's very weird to walk around with this floaty feeling-- like I'm not worried about anything- and yet I physically still have this wobbly unsteadiness-- I remember the last time I was in the hospital in Boston, the same thing happened. For weeks afterward my entire perception of my world felt different- I felt lighter, fragile, yet like I could see my life circumstances with more clarity and perspective.
On a separate thread, yesterday as I was sitting outside, I started thinking about family legacies. Probably due in part to the fact that I just finished reading both of Jonathan Safran Foer's novels, Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close, and Everything is Illuminated. Of the many themes that come up in Everything is Illuminated, he talks about this idea of the family legacy and looking forward through your children's children's children and back to your parents, great grandparents, etc. In fact, the novel gives birth to itself-- and it just made me think about how I come from this very artistic family. My Grandmother wanted to be an artist, my Mom too. But my Grandmother either didn't or could not pursue her art for various reasons-- the generation, raising a family, women's changing roles in the workplace and family, etc. She ended up being very depressed and unhappy by the end and sometimes I wonder if it's because that creative part of herself got squelched and left behind. This makes me very sad yet it also makes me feel adamant that I need to stay true to that creative part of myself. I wonder how different a place the world would be if there was more support and space for people to learn and pursue what they really love in life. It's so hard to find a balance between finding a way to pay the bills and having the time and mental energy to do what you really love. I wouldn't be able to do what I do without the help and support of my family and friends, especially my Momma-cita!!
These are drawings that my Grandma did when she was in High School-- I have been meaning to have them framed forever-- but I thought it would be nice to put them out there!